Archive for April, 2014

Corporations Are People My Friend….

Posted: April 6, 2014 in Current Events, Miscellaneous
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So friendly!

So friendly!

Complete with the right to stand in the way of women health issues…er, I mean practice religious freedom.   And they have the right to free speech, but instead of vocal cords they use cold hard cash to do their talking.  Same thing.  So sayeth the Supreme Court it seems.  Really when you look at corporations, how could you say that they are anything else beside human beings?

  • The way they love one another.  Who can ever forget the day that Wendy’s and McDonald’s got married?  Yum! Brands kids Colonel Sanders, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and the gang in attendance, not a dry eye in the house.  Such a wonderful ceremony!
  • The compassion they have for the world. Such as when our good friend General Motors realized how much they hurt people with their ignition switches.  They nipped that in the bud only a decade later because that’s just how much General Motors cares!  Only a person could show that much compassion.
  • When one of them dies, the others weep.  When Bear Stearns passed away, the only thing the other banks could do is cry and cry.  So sadden were they.  You know, before one of them scooped up the carcass.  Don’t want to be deemed not big enough to fail after all.
  • The way that they smile.  I mean look at this guy….I know you can’t help but smile too!
Look at those dimples!

Look at those dimples!

  • And it makes total sense the corporations should have religious freedoms.  Who can forget that it was Noah Inc. who built the ark so life could survive the flood?  It’s all right there in the Bible.
  • The way they can talk.  Money is speech after all.  So corporations have a LOT to say!

So corporations are people.  Clear as day.  Or maybe not.  Look, I get that corporations do need some level of rights and privileges.  But I think those should be granted by legislative statues.  I do not believe those rights are protected by the U.S. Constitution.  When the Declaration of Independence states that all men are created equal and are endowed by inalienable rights by their Creator, I just don’t think the authors had organizational structures in mind.