This is a repost of the blog article I wrote a couple of years ago regarding the awesomeness of Thanksgiving. Also, here’s a list of some of the stores that will NOT be open on Thanksgiving Day: Barnes & Noble, Bed Bath & Beyond, BJ’s, Burlington Coat Factory, Costco, Crate & Barrel, Dillards, DSW Shoes, Gamestop, Home Depot, Home Goods, Jo Ann Fabrics, Lowe’s, Marshall’s, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, P.C. Rochard & Son, Pier One, Publix, Radio Shack, Staples, Sur La Table, and TJ Maxx. Special props to REI, which will be closed not only Thanksgiving Day but also on “Black Friday”.

Originally posted on World's (Not So) Funniest Blog:


When I started to think about what I was going to write this weekend, I thought for sure this post would be titled “War On Thanksgiving”.  I thought it was a oh so clever twist on the so-called War On Christmas and the observation that it’s really Thanksgiving that is drawing the societal short straw.  Unfortunately, a Google search reveals that this is not clever at all and that many, many people have noticed the consumerism of Christmas encroaching on the Thanksgiving holiday (K-Mart opening on 6 a.m., that’s right, a.m. as in morning, on Thanksgiving must have given it away!).

So instead of whining about Wal-Mart and Best Buy and people who for some reason think elbowing their way through crowds for “bargains” on electronics is good sport, I thought I would write a positive post about what makes Thanksgiving so great (right there with Christmas in my opinion):

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2016 Presidential Candidate Action Figures - Collect them all!

2016 Presidential Candidate Action Figures – Collect them all!

The U.S. presidential campaign is in full swing (for some reason….over a year before the actual election….but that’s for another time).  Let’s check in and see what pearls of wisdom each of the candidates have for us:


Donald Trump*:  “He’s not a war hero.  He’s a war hero because he was captured.  I like people who weren’t captured.”  Yeah, those losers!   But check out Trump’s record, NEVER BEEN CAPTURED!  Because he’s a winner!!!! (and never been to war, but more importantly, a winner!!!)

Hillary Clinton:  “I mean, look, I’m a real person with all the pluses and minuses that go along with being that.”  Politifact rated that comment as “mostly true”.

Ben Carson:  What Ben Carson says you should do: “Not only would I probably not cooperate with him, I would not just stand there and let him shoot me.  I would say: ‘Hey guys, everybody attack him!  He may shoot me but he can’t get us all.'”.  Then he laughed, because mass killings are hilarious!  If only the world wasn’t filled with cowards, mass shootings wouldn’t happen. Also, shooters will totally allow you to organize, plot, and launch a counterattack before killing you as that’s only sporting.  But what would Ben Carson actually do?:  “I have had a gun held on me when I was in a Popeye’s organization.  Guy comes in, put the gun in my ribs. And I just said, ‘I believe that you want the guy behind the counter,'”  Um, that’s so…..brave?

Carly Fiorina:  “Finally my degree in medieval history and philosophy has come in handy, because what ISIS wants to do is drive us back to the Middle Ages, literally.”  Is she planning on responding to ISIS with the Spanish Inquisition?  Because nobody would expect that!


Bernie Sanders:  “A woman enjoys intercourse with her man — as she fantasizes about being raped by 3 men simultaneously.”  Yes, he really said this…or rather really wrote this.  In fairness, he wrote this back in 1972, and now calls it dumb satire.  But he still wasn’t exactly a kid (he was 31), probably at a point in his life where he should know that’s not really want anyone ever fantasizes about.

Marco Rubio: “Whether the earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to answer that.  It’s one of the great mysteries.”  Um, yeah, we probably should have somebody look into that.

Jeb Bush:  “Look stuff happens, there’s always a crisis and the impulse is always to do something and it’s not always the right thing to do.”  In response to the Oregon college campus massacre, Jeb showed off the “compassionate conservatism” his brother was known for by not using the word “shit”.

Ted Cruz:  “That’s exactly the intent is to destroy the private insurance business, to cause people to lose their private health insurance and be forced, essentially, to move to single-payer, government-provided health insurance, which was Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama’s plan from day one.”  Requiring everyone to buy private health insurance or face a fine must mean Obama just didn’t think his devious evil plan through.


John Kasich: “So if I were, not president, but if I were king in American, I would abolish all teachers’ lounges, where they sit together and worry about ‘Woe is us.'”  Ah, teacher lounges, the scourge of the American educational system.

Rand Paul:  “I’m a physician in your community and you say you have a right to health care. You have a right to beat down my door with the police, escort me away and force me to take care of you? That’s ultimately what the right to free health care would be.”  So I’m not a doctor, but I’m still pretty sure that’s NOT how single-payer systems work.

Chris Christie: “The climate’s been changing forever.  Does human activity contribute to it?  Of course it does. We all contribute to it one way or the other.  By breathing we contribute to it.”  We only have one choice, we must all hold our breath.  Governor Christie, you first!

Mike Huckabee:  “My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States.”  Yes, while North Korea does not have freedom of speech, freedom to leave the country, freedom of movement, freedom of press, or even freedom of religion, there is sure as heck no gay marriage there.  And I can’t think of anything more free than that!

Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Lindsey Graham, George Pataki, Jim Webb, Martin O’Malley, Lincoln Chaffey, and the rest:  Are we sure they aren’t on Gilligan’s Island?

Welp, one of these folks is going to be President of these here United States.

Trust me, you don't want this job! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Trust me, you don’t want this job! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Wanted:  An able statesman for leadership position who will do what we say.  This position will obstruct (and even shutdown, if necessary) operations until the opposition caves to our demands.


  • Must be current member of U.S. House of Representatives.
  • Four-year degree preferred but not required.  After all, we’re not scientists.
  • Must be able to babysit work with petulant children strong God-fearing Christian conservatives who loves power this country.
  • Must lack emotion.  No criers please!
  • Have knowledge that any pet issue is worth burning the government down over.
  • Must realize that compromise is for weenies.  Don’t be such a RINO.
  • Communication skills considered a minus.  Won’t be talking to the other side.

Position Reports to:  Tea party conservative members of U.S. House of Representatives.  Also must answer to Ted Cruz, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity.

Salary:  $223,500 annually, plus many “side benefits” if job is done well.

Qualified candidates should submit resumes to the Tea Party and Freedom Caucuses.

We are an equal opportunity employer.  (Hahahaha!  Just kidding.  Only old white guys need apply.)

I suspect it's a movie that Kirk Cameron is already working on.

I suspect it’s a movie that Kirk Cameron is already working on.

A Kentucky county clerk has decided to live out her dream to be “persecuted”, just like Jesus Christ.  Well, maybe not JUST LIKE Jesus Christ.  It seems what is often missed is the cause for which you get “persecuted” for.  Certainly if I punch a cop in a face because I honestly believed he was an a-hole, I would shortly thereafter be “persecuted” in the most serious fashion.  However I do not believe that I can then point to the sky and say “that’s for you God!” and believe I had picked up Christian street cred because now I’m being “persecuted”.

Indeed looking to the Bible, the story goes that Jesus Christ was persecuted because he healed the sick on the Sabbath.  He was helping people.  The Bible also says something to the effect that it is better to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.  The key goal here is the doing the right thing, not the “persecution”.  Now in my mind, if the thing you are doing hurts others rather than help others, it can’t be the right thing, regardless of what your personal feelings/beliefs about that thing may be, and that goes against the core teachings of the Bible.

Further, even if issuing a marriage license is deemed a sin, God will forgive ALL sin according to the Bible.  So surely a loving good God could see that the county clerk is in an untenable situation, and if the county clerk accepts Jesus Christ as savior, she too will be forgiven.  I have to think that in a list of ALL sin, issuing marriage licenses would rank pretty low on the list.

But even if you think that ‘no, issuing a marriage license to homosexuals is evil, is sin, and is just simply a violation of the tenets of Christianity’, there are reasons that it’s simply irrelevant in this country:

  • The First Amendment prohibits laws that establish religion or prohibits the freedom to exercise any religion.  Government can only do that by not being biased toward any particular religion.  Once a government official decides that “God’s law” trumps the nation’s laws, a particular religion has been established by government via the government official.
  • A county clerk who is issuing marriage licenses is NOT passing judgment over any particular marriage.  The license does not mean that the clerk personally approves of the union.  The issuance of the license is simply a clerical function that the proper paperwork has been submitted and that the government recognizes that a union of two people has been created.  There is no moral judgment here.  The clerk is just an agent of the government.
  • Even if for some reason the clerk believes that personally issuing licenses still violates her religious beliefs, having her employees do it instead (which they have all, excluding her own son for understandable reasons, have agreed to do and are in fact ALREADY doing) is a reasonable accommodation for a personal religious practice.
  • If that is still not good enough, the only reasonable conclusion is that your personal religious beliefs forbid you to do the job and thus you must resign.  I just can’t see how you can have a county just not issue marriage licenses at all and think that’s reasonable.

Though cynically I can’t help but wonder if the clerk is not more into cashing in than taking a stand.  I don’t doubt that she is sincerely against gay marriage.  But is there a small part of her that saw how much a couple pizzeria owners made just by merely suggesting they would not cater a theoretical gay marriage and thought that it could even be more lucrative to actually Read the rest of this entry »



Or at least what one looks like when you have a $200 million plus shortfall and no accounting tricks left to fill the gap.  It’s not a pretty picture:

  • The closure of all the state’s parks.  All of them.  Budgets passed by the Alabama legislature would have closed every Alabama state park had it not been vetoed by Governor Bentley.  Granted, you can only go to the park well once, and it would have a tremendous negative impact on Alabama’s economy.  But apparently legislators would rather do that than consider any tax increase.
  • The elimination of Medicaid.  A budget passed by the Alabama House would have cut Medicaid so severely that it would have meant the elimination of matching federal dollars, which would in turn lead to the end of the program itself.  The Alabama Senate voted this one down.  However, it is interesting that some legislators would rather eliminate healthcare for children, the disabled, the elderly, etc. than consider removing tax abatements for the logging and coal industries.  After all, when has a sick kid ever hired anyone?
  • The closure of all but four driver license offices.  But I’m sure going from 76 offices to 4 will not impact the drive to the office nor the length of lines at the offices in any way.  Probably won’t do anything to discourage people from getting driver licenses. Not at all. (Though considering the state’s voter identification laws, discouraging people from getting driver licenses may be considered a feature, not a bug, by some.)Besides, better that than raising the lowest property taxes in the nation (by far, you could double property taxes and the taxes would still be lowest in the nation).  After all, a tax of $8,400 on $1 million of property seems about right, right?

But the fact of the matter is that you can’t cut $200 million from the budget without hurting people, it’s just a matter of who and how many.  It doesn’t seem like they want to do that.  But they don’t want to raise revenue either (and no, GoFundMe accounts don’t count!)  So it seems that the Alabama government is at an impasse.  They only have until October 1st to solve this puzzle, otherwise presumably the government will shut down entirely.


Posted: June 7, 2015 in Uncategorized
Wait, no big boom?  We're out!

Wait, no big boom? We’re out!

Welcome to Mythbusting, where I don’t just tell the myths, I put them to the test.  Um…actually….no, I’m pretty much am just going to tell you the myths and then why I think they are wrong.  Hmm, now that I see it in writing, I understand why Discovery picked up Adam and Jamie’s show instead of mine.  Anyway, on today’s show:

  • Myth #1 –  Raising the minimum wage is going to make my Big Mac cost a whole lot more money…like $10 or something!  The first thing to know is that labor costs only make up the fraction of the costs of making a burger (maybe like 25%). Further, not all the labor is at minimum wage, so not everyone is getting an increase and not everyone is getting an increase from the current minimum wage.  So it’s not like if you raise the minimum wage to $15, the cost of the Big Mac would double.  You have different calculations out there, but let’s say maybe the cost of Big Mac’s would go up 70 cents or so.BUT, that’s the COST.  Would the PRICE go up though?  McDonald is in a very competitive market.  And in an effort to maximize profits, they should ALREADY charge as much as they think they can get away with to maximize revenue.   After all, they are not a charity.  That doesn’t have anything to do with labor costs.  So there’s a good possibility that the price of a Big Mac doesn’t go up at all, at least not in direct relation to minimum wage increases.  Busted.
  • Myth #2 – Half the people in this country do not pay taxes at all.  First, anyone who says this is probably being purposely misleading.  What they are not saying is that they are only referring to the FEDERAL INCOME tax.  As we know, there are many, many, more kinds of taxes than that.  Once you throw in things like payroll taxes, state taxes, local taxes, etc, then the reality is that the saying that the only certain things in life are death and taxes is still very truthy.  Making a claim that half the people don’t pay taxes using just federal income taxes is like claiming 99.5% of people don’t pay taxes, using the federal estate tax as your basis.Further, the percent who don’t pay federal income taxes isn’t static.  Factors like the economy and legislation change that percentage.  Even further, it’s not the SAME people not paying federal income tax year after year.  Chances are good that over your lifetime, you are going to pay federal income taxes.  Sorry, no freebies.  Busted.
  • Myth #3 – We could balance the federal budget if we just stopped giving money to other countries.  Oh, and also those filthy hippies at NPR and Sesame Street. The budget deficit for fiscal year 2014 was about $483 billion.  Foreign aid expenditures was roughly $50 billion in total.  Public television and radio? Around $450 million.  In other words, you could cut both these to absolute $0, and you still have a long long way to go before you reach the balance.  So if you want to cut these things because you think the money should stay at home (though I’m betting since we are already in deficit spending, it’s not an either/or situation) or because you hate Big Bird, go ahead.  But not because you just want to balance the budget.  Busted.
  • Myth #4 – People on food stamps are lazy no good fraudsters! –  First, while fraud isn’t non-existent, it is less than one percent.  Also, 80 percent are working within 12 months before or after receiving food stamps.  And the average length of time anyone is on food stamps is 8 to 10 months.  So the reality is, the folks on food stamps are generally working class Americans who utilize a safety net only for as long as they have to.  Busted.

So that’s it for today.  Oh alright, here’s one big boom.


I think often there’s a thought when we see a problem that if we would just do this one simple general thing, the problem would go away.  But are there really ever an easy answer?  For example:

Gambling/Lottery – This is a favorite magic bullet for solving budgetary problems (often in relation to education) that’s actually pretty popular across the political spectrum.  Alabama, which will never ever ever raise taxes ever, is looking at this now as a possible non-tax revenue source.  And it has appeal.  People can play or not play, it’s voluntary.  You can vote for this and still claim you didn’t vote for a tax.  A lot of money does flow through the lotteries.  But, John Oliver did a great job showing the shortcomings of a lottery:

Watch the video, as John Oliver will do better than I.  But the short version is this.  The people who play lotteries?  Low income (higher income folks will invest in something).  As such, state lotteries advertise themselves as a way for the poor to change their lives.  According to one study, the poor spend a whopping 9% of their annual income on lotteries.  It’s a de facto tax on the poor.

Meanwhile, instead of being a supplement to tax income, states often instead use it as an excuse to even further lower taxes and use the lottery money as simply a replacement.  Even though lotteries are often touted for education, in 21 out of 24 states in which that is the case, education funding is either flat or has actually DECREASED since the addition of the lottery.

My personal believe is that if something is necessary, we as society should be compelled to pay for it, not be able to opt out. There are a lot more equitable ways to do that than a lottery, even if the lottery seems like the easy answer.

Charter Schools – Charter schools is most popular in the conservative crowd, though you get an occasional progressive behind these too.  The idea is that private is always better than public, so let’s just give the funding to a private enterprise and they will do so much better educating kids.  Now it’s a heated debate which are better, charter schools or public schools.  But generally speaking, when you look at studies, you find that they perform about the same overall.  As in there are good charter schools and bad charter schools, just like there are good public schools and bad public schools.  I suspect that the while there are common characteristics for what makes for a successful school (adequate resources is a good start), what makes any given school work may be unique.  There’s probably not a one-size-fits-all solution, as every community is different.  But there’s nothing magic about being private that makes it any easier to figure it out.

Whether it’s a flat tax, prayer in schools, poor people are lazy, no big business is evil, guns kill people, no people kill people, blah, blah, blah, the real world is complicated and so is its problems.  The solutions will take hard work to find and a will to do so, that’s just the way it is (in my opinion).