Alabama Rules Of The Road

Posted: November 30, 2010 in Miscellaneous
Tags: , , , ,

Having a stuffed coyote mounted hanging from your tailgate is not required in Alabama. It's only strongly encouraged!

  • Traditional 4-way stop rules do not apply.  You may proceed immediately after the car in front of you enters into the intersection, regardless of whether or not there may be other drivers waiting at the other stops.  In fact, stopping at all is merely a suggestion.
  • Yellow lights do not mean to stop unless it is unsafe to do so.  This light actually indicates that you should hit the gas.  A red light indicates that up to three more vehicles can proceed through the intersection.  Therefore, a green light means that you should yield to up to three vehicles that are going through the red light (and there WILL be vehicles going through the red light, without fail!)
  • If a traffic light at an intersection happens to go out, 4-way stop rules (even the non-traditional Alabama 4-way stop rules) do not apply.  Instead it’s just an absolute free-for-all!  That’s right, it is every man and woman for themselves!  Proceed in an orderly fashion?  Rubbish!  Oh wait, this is Birmingham, Alabama; not Birmingham, England.  I meant hogwash!
  • With a shortage of Alabama state troopers, speed limits on the highways and interstates should be considered lower limits.  After all, we here in Alabama love our Nascar!  But why just watch our favorite drivers when we can drive like our favorite drivers!  Boogity, boogity, boogity, let’s go racing boys (and girls)!
  • The laws of physics do not apply to Alabama vehicles.  You can therefore drive just as fast and close to other drivers in rain as in dry weather.  Traction?  What’s that?  Something new from John Deere?
  • If you come across an accident, it is very important that you slow down and take it all in, regardless of which direction you may be traveling.  In fact, go ahead and gawk.  Take in all the details.  Apparently there will be a quiz later and you don’t want to miss ANYTHING!  That’s why I was perfectly understanding when my Thanksgiving NORTHBOUND trip took an hour longer than it should because of an accident occurring in the SOUTHBOUND lanes!  It’s Alabama.  But oddly, I still haven’t received my quiz yet.

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