Which Ones Of These Are Real Birther Complaints And Which Ones Are Stuff I Just Made Up

Posted: May 1, 2011 in Current Events, Politics
Tags: , , , , ,

President Barack Obama released his long-form birth certificate this week.  Shockingly it turns out he was born in Hawaii.  Less shockingly, the birthers continue to question Obama’s legitimacy.  Some of the things listed below I found researching the internet.  Others I just made up.  Can you tell the difference between actual questions raised by the birthers and questions that I just made up?

  • The Constitution says “No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President;…”  What?!!!!!!  Obama’s birth certificate says he was born in 1961.  The U.S. Constitution was adopted in 1787.  Based on my misinterpretation of the Constitution, that means Obama is ineligible!  In fact, based on misinterpretation, only Joe Biden can be eligible for President, he’s the only person old enough!
  • Obama’s father was not an American citizen.  Based on my misinterpretation of the Constitution, that means Obama is not a natural-born citizen of this country because both parents were not U.S. citizens and therefore Obama is ineligible to be President.
  • Hawaii was not a state until 1959.  Clearly, you have to be a natural-born citizen of one of the 13 states around when the Constitution was ratified.  Therefore Obama is not eligible.
  • And really, no one considers Hawaii a real state anyway.  Am I right?
  • I can clearly read the signature of the attending physician, David A. Sinclair.  Proof that this is a forgery!  Everyone knows that a real physician’s handwriting is illegible!
  • Obama’s father race is listed as “African”.  That’s today’s political correctness.  He would have been listed as “Negro” if the certificate was legitimate.  Sure, his dad actually was African, but it would be lunacy to think that has anything to do with it.
  • When presented with the news that her late husband Dr. Sinclair delivered Obama, she said “I had no idea.”  Ah ha!  Don’t you think if Sinclair had actually presided over the delivery of the President of the United States, he would have mentioned that to his wife?  You know, something like “Guess what, the President was born today.”
  • The “B’s” on the birth certificate match perfectly.  No typewriter can do that.  None of the other letters match, further proving my point.  Why would Obama’s people create a perfect forgery except for the “B’s”?  Just leaving an Easter Egg to poke a stick at the birthers!
  • Obama is hiding his Occidental College records because he is too dumb to get into an Ivy League school.  Only a stupid person could come up with Obamacare.  It must have been because he is black.
  • Forget the Occidental College records.  I want to see Obama’s Kindergarten report card!  What is he hiding?  That he was unable to play well with others?  He didn’t know “how many”?
  • Obama registered as a foreign student at Occidental.  I discovered this on April 1st.  Hmm, April 1st, that day has some significance…I just can’t remember what?  Oh well, not important.  Obama, just know that I am no fool!
  • Speaking of school records, Obama should also release his “permanent record”!
  • Obama’s social security number starts with 042.  That’s a Connecticut number.  He has never lived in Connecticut.  The only possible explanation is that Obama either has made the number up, or he has stolen someone else’s identity!
  • William Ayers gave Barack Obama his false identity.
  • Barack Obama is a current citizen of Great Britain.  Or of Kenya.  Or both.
  • CIA DNA tests prove that Barack Obama was actually adopted.
  • Barack Obama was a terrorist anchor baby.
  • Obama was raised by communists.
  • Obama funneled weapons to the Taliban while he was in college.
  • What?  The Taliban didn’t exist then?  Fine, Obama started the Taliban.

You know, it’s hard to out-birther the birthers.  In fact, one claim I made above that I thought I was making up is in fact something actual birthers have claimed brings the legitimacy of the birth certificate into question.

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