The Main Event: Obama vs. Romney – Tale Of The Tape

Posted: April 14, 2012 in Politics
Tags: , , , , ,

Now that Santorum has dropped out of the race, we can finally look forward to November….TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 6TH when the champion of the President Of The United States “The” Barack Obama defends his title against the number one contender to the crown Mitt “Boomerang” Romney!  This one should be a slobbernogger!  This one is WAY to big for pay-per-view ladies and gentlemen!  It will be on EVERY network!  That’s right, I said EVERY network!  The undercard features Joe “My Brain Doesn’t Know What My Mouth Is Saying” Biden versus a MYSTERY OPPONENT!  So make your plans for TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 6TH, put the kids to bed and get the popcorn ready, because this fight is expected to go ALL….NIGHT…..LONG!   Here is the tale of the tape:

Challenger:  Mitt Romney

Governor Mitt Romney of MA

  • Height: 6 feet 2 inches
  • Weight:  170 lbs.
  • Age:  65
  • Politics: Righty (but as Governor showed he had some lefty tendencies)
  • Knows the right height of a tree when he sees it.
  • Probably doesn’t know your boss, or your boss’s boss, or your boss’s boss’s boss.  But may be best buddies with your boss’s boss’s boss’s boss, which makes you practically family!
  • Knows that if a dog likes sticking his head out a car window, that dog will just LOVE riding strapped to the roof of the car in a kennel!
  • Weakness:  People keep insisting on bringing up his past, but he totally is not for any of those things anymore!  Unless you want him to be?  Because he can be for those things if you want?  Just say the word!
  • Best Quote: “I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.”  Did your head just spin?  Wait until he busts out some of that same English-Fu in the debates Obama!

Champion:  Barack Obama

Barack Obama delivers a speech at the Universi...

  • Height:  6 feet 1 inch
  • Weight:  180 lbs
  • Age:  50
  • Politics:  Lefty (but as champion has shown some righty tendencies)
  • Is attempting to master the art of Jedi mind tricks (“The health care law is not the law you want to overturn”)
  • Knows the number of states in the United States within a range of error of plus/minus 10.
  • Used John McCain’s vice-presidential vetting team when scouting out good alternative energy investments.  (“Yes sir, Solyndra is going to be huge!  Guaranteed!  The biggest winner since Sarah!”)
  • Had an earlier battle against health care, a very tough opponent.  Ringside observers are split on who won.  Going to the judges score-cards.
  • Weakness: Over-promises, under-delivers.  Close Guantanamo Bay?  Ha!  Deliver immigration reform?  Immigration-what?  Changing the tone in Washington?  LMAO!
  • Best Quote:  “Those same folks who were hollering about it before we passed it, they’re still hollering about how the world will end because we passed this bill.  This is not an exaggeration.”   Maybe just a tiny-weeny little exaggeration?

So mark this date down, TUESDAY, NOVEMBER and BE THERE!!!!!!


  1. List of X says:

    Las Vegas bookies have been taking bets on this fight for months now.
    Also, Mitt has an advantage of being able to change his positions at lightning speed, while Obama flexible to, but only after the election

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