North Korea (Kim Jong-un), Chill The F Out!

Posted: April 7, 2013 in Current Events
Tags: , , ,
Ok, I'm guessing not exactly cutting edge technology.

Ok, I’m guessing not exactly cutting edge technology.

Seriously guys, any time a war starts, it’s for a stupid reason.  Don’t be that stupid reason.  I get it Kim Jong-un.  You want your country to know that daddy’s dead and you are the big man in charge now.  And you have to somehow convince your people that spending money on military toys is so much better for them than, you know, food to eat.  But I’m telling you, writing checks with your mouth that your military can’t cash is not the way to go about it.  Find another way!

Here’s the deal, nobody wants war.  We don’t want it, you don’t want it, the South Koreans don’t want it.  And you have the good fortune to literally have nothing that we want, which is the only reason we aren’t at war already (because goodness knows you have given us more excuses than we typically need).  We know you can’t do anything to us.  However, we have this cultural hang-up that we call “looking weak”.  It’s a stupid guy thing, but unfortunately, guys are in charge.  In fact, that’s really all you are trying to do, to not “look weak”.  If you keep making threats, people might decide that we will “look weak” if we don’t do something.  Then we do something and you will want to do something back (because you don’t want to “look weak”) and all the sudden we have a war that nobody wants.  And it will be bad for everyone, but especially you Jong-un, because in that scenario, you end up dead.

So here’s what you do, Jong-un.  Tell everyone you have negotiated a peace agreement and we have agreed to back off.  Declare that you have ensured the safety of your people for years to come and throw one of those military parades you all are so fond of.  Sure it’s a lie, but we all know you don’t have a problem with that!  And we can forget all of this and move on with our lives.

And with that done, maybe we as a country can reconsider our security treaty with South Korea.  The Korean War ended over fifty years ago.  The Cold War is over.  South Korea can certainly defend itself from a poor country like North Korea.  And with all the talk about needing to get our budget in order, why would we continue to spend money defending another country which is plenty prosperous enough to do the job with its own resources?  The United States has (more than) 99 problems, but North Korea shouldn’t be one.

  1. List of X says:

    So many countries are concerned with looking weak, and not one is concerned with looking smart…
    Unfortunately, South Korea cannot really defend very well against the North, at least not without the US. Seoul is within range of North Korean artillery, and SK will have millions of casualties within hours from the attack, even if it prevails in the war.

  2. […] North Korea (Kim Jong-un), Chill The F Out! ( […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s