Top 10 Reasons Michele Bachmann Is Not Seeking Reelection

Posted: June 2, 2013 in Current Events, Politics
Tags: , ,

With apologies for stealing a gimmick from List Of X (who does this much better than I) here are the top 10 reasons Michele Bachmann is not seeking another term in office:

1)  She wants to spend more time with the voices in her head.

2)  She is leaving to become a curator at the John Wayne Gacy museum in Waterloo.  She loves that guy’s movies!

3)  So that she can change our convention from singing happy birthday on birthdays to singing happy birthday on the anniversaries of deaths!

4)  To join forces with Jenny McCarthy to form the dynamic duo of wisdom and finally end those awful vaccines once and for all!

5)  To finally make money on that family farm they don’t make a penny on.  Except those 25,933,200 pennies received from federal aid.  And the between 3,250,000 pennies and 10,500,000 pennies of annual income.  But other than that, not a penny made on that family farm.

6)  To get into better shape so she can better run from journalists asking her questions.

7)  It’s totally not because she wouldn’t win.  Because she would so win.  Just ask her.  That dude she ran against and had to outspend 12 to 1 only to beat him by a few thousand votes?  Total fluke!  In fact, that’s why she’s not running.  It’s simply just too unfair to the competition!

8)  She has decided to make running for President a full-time job now she knows how lucrative that can be, especially if you don’t follow election laws.

9)  She is slated to become the next horror film slasher for New Line Cinema.

Herrre’s Bachmann!

10)  Because of the shame brought upon her when World’s (not so) Funniest Blog called her a literal idiot.  It was simply too much for her to bear.  I am so sorry.  (but not literally)

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Comments
  1. List of X says:

    No need to apologize, I stole my gimmick from Letterman 🙂 And he probably stole it from someone else too, who also stole it somewhere, and so on, all the way back to the inventor of the decimal system.
    Great list, by the way.

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