Job Posting: Speaker of U.S. House Of Representatives

Posted: September 26, 2015 in Current Events, Politics
Tags: , , ,
Trust me, you don't want this job! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Trust me, you don’t want this job! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Wanted:  An able statesman for leadership position who will do what we say.  This position will obstruct (and even shutdown, if necessary) operations until the opposition caves to our demands.

Qualifications:

  • Must be current member of U.S. House of Representatives.
  • Four-year degree preferred but not required.  After all, we’re not scientists.
  • Must be able to babysit work with petulant children strong God-fearing Christian conservatives who loves power this country.
  • Must lack emotion.  No criers please!
  • Have knowledge that any pet issue is worth burning the government down over.
  • Must realize that compromise is for weenies.  Don’t be such a RINO.
  • Communication skills considered a minus.  Won’t be talking to the other side.

Position Reports to:  Tea party conservative members of U.S. House of Representatives.  Also must answer to Ted Cruz, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity.

Salary:  $223,500 annually, plus many “side benefits” if job is done well.

Qualified candidates should submit resumes to the Tea Party and Freedom Caucuses.

We are an equal opportunity employer.  (Hahahaha!  Just kidding.  Only old white guys need apply.)

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Comments
  1. List of X says:

    If not for the first requirement, a photograph of Ronald Reagan could do this job.

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