Posts Tagged ‘Nick Saban’

The day after election day University of Alabama football head coach said, “To be honest with you, I didn’t even know yesterday was Election Day. It was so important to me that I didn’t even know it was happening, we’re focused on other things here.” But hey, that really shouldn’t come as a surprise. His “problem” is football and we’ve decided that “problem” is worth a LOT of money to work on. Still, it’s hard to believe Nick Saban doesn’t have any concerns or opinions beyond football. Fortunately shortly after the playoff committee announced that Alabama was ranked number one, I scored an exclusive interview with Nick Saban:

Me: Thank you Mr. Saban for taking the time to sit with me to answer a few questions. Congratulations on your team making the playoffs by the way.

Saban: Thank you. I’m so happy for our team and fans.

Me: You don’t look happy.

Saban: I am happy.

Me: Um, are you sure?

Saban: This is my smile.

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Me: ??????

Me: Um……ok. Moving on. So I know you say you don’t pay attention to politics and all, but surely you have some thoughts beyond football. For instance, taxes, what are….

Saban: Taxes? The Crimson Tide Foundation pays my taxes. Everyone should just get a foundation to pay their taxes.

Me: Uh, that’s not how the world work….

Saban: They pay for my house too. Everyone should try it. Then you can just focus on the “process”…Alabama football.

Me: Er….ok. Maybe we should stick to football then. So what are your thoughts on your upcoming opponent Washington?

Saban: What’s a Washington?

Me: Well to start off with it’s a state….

Saban: States???? Oh…those are type of things those know-it-all professors want to fill my players’ heads with rather than football. Look, I don’t have time for geography, we are focused on other things here. Wished those pointy-heads in academics would get that through their thick skulls.

Me: Ok, ok, forget that….it’s a football team, the one you play next. Your thoughts?

Saban: My thoughts? When is the game?

Me: December 31st.

Saban: December 31st??!!! Grrr….for Christ sakes! You people in the media just don’t get it. It’s all about the “process”. One game at a time? Pfft. Probably what they do at Auburn. Or Tennessee….winning those…what did Butch call it….championships of life? Almost makes me laugh. Almost. Then it makes me puke. Here we focus on one second at a time! What can we do to be better football players this very next second??!!!! In fact I already forgot your question, because I’m focused on the next second.

Me: Oh I am SO sorry…uh, are you still smiling?

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Me: Nevermind. Ok, this is going nowhere. You have anything you want to say? Whatever.

Saban: Look, your world confuses me. Elections? Why elephants and donkeys? Will the super moon light the world on fire? When I get a text on my I-Phone 7, did magic trolls make that happen? I don’t know. I’m just a caveman football coach. I don’t have time for figure out such trivial matters. But there is one thing I do know. Pay me no less than $7 million a year and a free house and I’ll win you a shit-ton of National Championships that will make you forget that Bear loser!

Me: Bear Bryant?

Saban: How the hell should I know? I forgot him already.

Me: Alright then. Well, thank you for your time.

Saban: Who are you and what the f&%k are you doing in my office???!!!

Me: Leaving sir!!!!

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Boy, this is exciting stuff.  Alabama football head coach Nick Saban has decided to endorse a Bessemer candidate for mayor!  It would seem kind of unusual for a football coach in Tuscaloosa to get involved in Bessemer politics, a small town 45 miles away or so.  But clearly Nick Saban has endorsed Bessemer councilwoman Dorothy Davidson for mayor of Bessemer.  The photo does not lie!

This photo appears in campaign fliers for Dorothy, along with the claim that she has Saban’s endorsement.  Picture was taken as the two talked at a golf course one day.  Hmm, kind of odd that he is fuzzier in the photo than she is.  But whatever, stupid cameras, I can’t ever get them to work either.  This has to be huge for Dorothy………..oh.  What’s that?  Another picture?  Sure, I would love to see another picture of Saban standing with the candidate!Hmm, Dorothy looks a lot paler in that shot.  Heck, it doesn’t even look like she is even wearing the same clothes!  She really needs to get a new camera!  Oh, that’s not Dorothy?  It’s Saban’s wife?  Oh, okay.  Wow, what are the odds that on a different day that he would be at the same golf course with the same clothes on?  And look at him, he hits the same exact pose, even down to the wrinkles in his shirt!  Now that’s discipline!  That, my friends, is why Nick Saban is coach of the defending NCAA National Champions!  OK, so it was cool to see another photo, but I really don’t know what the point of………..what’s that?  There’s something I need to read?  What?

Bessemer mayoral candidate Dorothy Davidson claims Nick Saban endorsement, passing out fliers with altered photo

You are kidding!  That photo was altered?  Man, I couldn’t tell at all!  Whoever altered the image must have spent days hours minutes seconds on that!  Well there just has to be a reasonable explanation.

……the candidate acknowledged that her image was digitally added to the 2007 photo.

“They said we could do it this way,” Davidson said.

Davidson’s part of the picture is what was taken three weeks ago, she said Tuesday night.

While the photo is fake, the support of Saban is real, Davidson and her campaign manager, Kevin Morris, maintain.

“My dad, Larry Morris, and coach Saban are friends,” Morris said Tuesday. “We were on the golf course one day, and I asked him myself if this would be OK.”

See, I told you!  Perfectly reasonable.  I’m sure Saban asked if they wanted to get a real photo, and Morris just told him that it would be totally unnecessary.  With today’s technology, it would be much easier just to doctor one up!  It makes sense to me.  I’m glad we’ve got that cleared up.  So now we can move on……what’s that?  There’s something else I need to read?  Oh, I bet Nick Saban has approached the media.  He has probably now endorsed Dorothy Davidson publicly and cleared this thing right up!

Bessemer mayoral candidate’s campaign manager admits he lied about endorsement from Alabama Coach Nick Saban

What?!!!!!!!!!!!  I’ve been bamboozled!  My faith in Alabama politics has been shattered!  Well, it would have been had I any faith in Alabama politics to begin with.  I tell you what, I’m never going to trust what I see in an obviously photoshopped picture ever again!

OK, so the Dorothy Davidson/Nick Saban picture is a fake.  But I want to know when the media will start to question whether or not the supposed original photo of Nick Saban and his wife has been digitally altered.  C’mon, we all know Nick Saban doesn’t ever smile! 🙂

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As a Tennessee fan living in Alabama, you would think that nothing good would have came out of Thursday’s night game where Alabama defeated Texas for the National Championship (so what is number of championships Alabama claiming these days, 50, 100?).  But you would be wrong, there was one thing.  This:

Now that’s just funny! Saban is such a perfectionist that he probably had the team doing gatorade dunking drills this weekend! Also, does this guy smile, ever? I know he kind of just got smacked with a gatorade cooler, but he also just won the freakin’ National Championship. Still nothing? Really?

On the other hand, if I was associated with the University of Alabama, I would be pretty miserable too! 😉

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