Posts Tagged ‘President’

???

This President has:

  • Authorized a vast expansion of our CIA drone program to kill people, even if we don’t know who they are, despite the evidence that such aggression tends to strengthen terrorist organizations, not weaken them (not to mention the pesky moral ramifications of killing of innocent civilians that tend to go along with such drone strikes).
  • Authorized the assassination of U.S. citizen Anwar al-Awlaki (pesky court system is too much trouble I guess).
  • Authorized military action against another sovereign nation without first asking for Congressional approval (pesky Constitution).  Continued military action even when the eventual Congressional approval vote failed.
  • Has prosecuted more whistleblowers under the Espionage Act than all other Presidents combined. (pesky pledge of transparency)
  • Signed into law a provision that allows United States to hold foreign nationals indefinitely. (pesky due process)
  • Continues to support the extension of the Patriot Act. (pesky past criticism of Patriot Act)
  • Using the death of a human being for political gain by leaking selected information, while at the same time refusing to disclose materials about the death so that the claims can be scrutinize under the premise that doing so would threaten national security. (pesky freedom of information)

Who is it?  No, I already said it wasn’t George W. Bush!   It’s Barack H.Obama.  Interesting that he is able to fly more under the radar than Bush even when he has  employed a pretty similar philosophy on national security, foreign activities, and disclosures and such.  The right-wingers aren’t going to go after him because they are pretty ok with all of this.  The left-wingers won’t go after him either, because as it turns out they are pretty ok with it too, just so long as it is one of their guys in charge of the decision-making.  (Looks like to me lefties just don’t want to use boots on the ground, but are pretty ok with killing people in other countries through any other means.)  Just my observation. (pesky bloggers)

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I really can’t decide between these two.  Obviously these are two real ‘Muricans that are just what this country needs right now.  But until we figure out a way to have co-Presidents, we can only pick one (Unfortunately God told them both to run at the same time.  Oh God, you are such a prankster!)  They both raised the stakes this week with brilliant performances.  You had Rick Perry giving a ‘I’m not drunk or high, this is just my fun lovin’ I’m a just a regular Joe’ speech.  Then you had Herman Cain displaying his overwhelming knowledge of foreign affairs by showing his concern that China seeks to gain the nuclear capability they have had since 1964.

I decided to check out their websites.  Very informative!

Pimps up, hoes down!

Herman Cain: The Issues:

  • I have already come up with a tax plan which will spur economic growth and lead this country to prosperity, the 9-9-9 plan.  But I know that’s only one part of the equation.  Government also must get spending under control.  That is why I have proposed the 6-6-6 plan.  That’s $6 billion social programs, $6 billion on mandatory spending, and $6 billion on discretionary spending (defense spending is excluded because everyone knows you can never spend enough on defense!).  This proposal will cut federal spending by at least $2.5 trillon.  Also, the 6-6-6 plan will freak out Michelle Bachmann.
  • As President, I pledge a hot chick in every pot.  You fellas know what I am talking about!  But ladies, I haven’t forgotten about you.  For you, I promise you more Cain!  The Lincoln bedroom will be open and there will be full disclosure!  This will be the most transparent administration in history if you know what I mean!  Oh yeah ladies! (Campaign Manager note:  The Cain campaign is currently negotiating a sexual harassment settlement on behalf of Herman Cain with all the female citizens of this fine nation.  Herman Cain is unaware of the details of this, so don’t ask him!  The campaign would like to apologize for Herman Cain.  Once again, that is Herman being Herman and unfortunately Herman is a horn dog.)
  • I am well aware of the global issues that could adversely impact the world economy.  I have studied up on tragedy in Greece.  Fortunately my studies have revealed that these are merely plays!  It’s all make-believe people!  I hope this revelation will settle the markets.
  • For a limited time only, buy 4 years of President Cain and get 4 years free!
  • As President, I will revive the economy just as I as CEO revived Godfather’s Pizza.  Just as I led Godfather’s Pizza from fourth in pizza chain market share to eighth in pizza chain market share, I will do the same for the United States of America!

Wee dawgies! Don't mess with Texas!

Rick Perry:  Issues:

  • I have already revealed my lil’ tax plan that you can put on that lil’ post card.  But now I have an even better idea to cut spendin’.  I call it the postage stamp budget plan.  The budget will fit on a stamp.  Put all the little line items, slap it on a stamp, and send er on in.  Tee hee hee!  It’s awesome!
  • You know how I love slogans.  “Live Free Or Die”, “Victory Or Death”, hehe, “Bring It!”.  As President, I will adopt a national slogan.  It will be “America, Fuck Yeah!”.  Hehe!  I stole that from a movie.  Team America: World Police.  Speaking of that, Trey Parker and Matt Stone will be brought aboard as national security advisors.  Tee hee!  Those guys have some great ideas.  Suck on my balls Iran!  Hehe!
  • When I am elected President, I will put out an executive order banning gifts of “liquid gold” unless there’s some damn vodka and Galliano in it and not some sorry ass maple syrup!  Hehe.  Kevin, brother, you know I’m just kidding.  But seriously, maple syrup?  You know how nasty that was when I took a swig!  Asshole!  Tee hee hee!
  • As President, I will ban debates.  They require things that make me look dumb.  Like talkin’.  I’m smart, damn it!  I got gold stars in Kindergarten for such things as tying my shoes right, you know, useful things.  Not high-falutin’ things like speakin’.  In fact, I challenge my opponents to forget ’bout the debates and let’s have a good ‘ol-fashioned skeet-shootin’ contest, Texas-style!  Unless y’all are yella?!

Darn it.  Still a complete toss-up.  What will I do?  Thank goodness there is still time and about hundred Republican debates to go.  Unless Perry can convince them on that skeet-shooting thing.

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