Posts Tagged ‘Rick Perry’

I really can’t decide between these two.  Obviously these are two real ‘Muricans that are just what this country needs right now.  But until we figure out a way to have co-Presidents, we can only pick one (Unfortunately God told them both to run at the same time.  Oh God, you are such a prankster!)  They both raised the stakes this week with brilliant performances.  You had Rick Perry giving a ‘I’m not drunk or high, this is just my fun lovin’ I’m a just a regular Joe’ speech.  Then you had Herman Cain displaying his overwhelming knowledge of foreign affairs by showing his concern that China seeks to gain the nuclear capability they have had since 1964.

I decided to check out their websites.  Very informative!

Pimps up, hoes down!

Herman Cain: The Issues:

  • I have already come up with a tax plan which will spur economic growth and lead this country to prosperity, the 9-9-9 plan.  But I know that’s only one part of the equation.  Government also must get spending under control.  That is why I have proposed the 6-6-6 plan.  That’s $6 billion social programs, $6 billion on mandatory spending, and $6 billion on discretionary spending (defense spending is excluded because everyone knows you can never spend enough on defense!).  This proposal will cut federal spending by at least $2.5 trillon.  Also, the 6-6-6 plan will freak out Michelle Bachmann.
  • As President, I pledge a hot chick in every pot.  You fellas know what I am talking about!  But ladies, I haven’t forgotten about you.  For you, I promise you more Cain!  The Lincoln bedroom will be open and there will be full disclosure!  This will be the most transparent administration in history if you know what I mean!  Oh yeah ladies! (Campaign Manager note:  The Cain campaign is currently negotiating a sexual harassment settlement on behalf of Herman Cain with all the female citizens of this fine nation.  Herman Cain is unaware of the details of this, so don’t ask him!  The campaign would like to apologize for Herman Cain.  Once again, that is Herman being Herman and unfortunately Herman is a horn dog.)
  • I am well aware of the global issues that could adversely impact the world economy.  I have studied up on tragedy in Greece.  Fortunately my studies have revealed that these are merely plays!  It’s all make-believe people!  I hope this revelation will settle the markets.
  • For a limited time only, buy 4 years of President Cain and get 4 years free!
  • As President, I will revive the economy just as I as CEO revived Godfather’s Pizza.  Just as I led Godfather’s Pizza from fourth in pizza chain market share to eighth in pizza chain market share, I will do the same for the United States of America!

Wee dawgies! Don't mess with Texas!

Rick Perry:  Issues:

  • I have already revealed my lil’ tax plan that you can put on that lil’ post card.  But now I have an even better idea to cut spendin’.  I call it the postage stamp budget plan.  The budget will fit on a stamp.  Put all the little line items, slap it on a stamp, and send er on in.  Tee hee hee!  It’s awesome!
  • You know how I love slogans.  “Live Free Or Die”, “Victory Or Death”, hehe, “Bring It!”.  As President, I will adopt a national slogan.  It will be “America, Fuck Yeah!”.  Hehe!  I stole that from a movie.  Team America: World Police.  Speaking of that, Trey Parker and Matt Stone will be brought aboard as national security advisors.  Tee hee!  Those guys have some great ideas.  Suck on my balls Iran!  Hehe!
  • When I am elected President, I will put out an executive order banning gifts of “liquid gold” unless there’s some damn vodka and Galliano in it and not some sorry ass maple syrup!  Hehe.  Kevin, brother, you know I’m just kidding.  But seriously, maple syrup?  You know how nasty that was when I took a swig!  Asshole!  Tee hee hee!
  • As President, I will ban debates.  They require things that make me look dumb.  Like talkin’.  I’m smart, damn it!  I got gold stars in Kindergarten for such things as tying my shoes right, you know, useful things.  Not high-falutin’ things like speakin’.  In fact, I challenge my opponents to forget ’bout the debates and let’s have a good ‘ol-fashioned skeet-shootin’ contest, Texas-style!  Unless y’all are yella?!

Darn it.  Still a complete toss-up.  What will I do?  Thank goodness there is still time and about hundred Republican debates to go.  Unless Perry can convince them on that skeet-shooting thing.



Are one of these two the next President of the United States? Please no.

Not that I am a huge Mitt Romney fan.  I don’t really agree with his philosophy.  But at least I think he is rationale.  And that is what I want on the other side of the ballot from President Obama.  Because let’s face it, unless a miracle happens, the economy is going to be to still be at some level of suck by the time the election rolls around.  Even if Obama’s job plan passes (and it won’t), it’s not nearly significant enough to fully turn around this economic funk.  When the economy is bad, that usually does not bold well for the guy sitting in office.  Also, let’s face it, Obama simply has not been effective as a leader.  He’s going to be beatable.  That’s why I want the alternative to at least be sane.

Rick Perry?  The guy he practically brags about how many people have been killed during his time as Texas governor?  A guy who says he doesn’t think anyone knows how old Earth is?  A guy who wants to teach the “controversy” of evolution?  A guy who’s “success” in Texas is marked by low paying jobs, little benefits (25% of Texans do not have health care insurance), sub par education, and high poverty rates?  A guy that thinks prayer is a valid policy?   A guy who thinks that the BP oil spill was an “act of God” that couldn’t be prevented?  No thanks!

Michele Bachmann?  A person who believed that President Obama’s trip to India really cost $200 million a day?  A person who thinks that the “fact” (never mind the fact that she was wrong) a Democrat was president during the swine flu outbreak in the 1970’s and a Democrat was president during the most recent swine flu outbreak is “interesting”?  A person who believes that HPV vaccination can cause mental retardation, even though that’s physiologically impossible, because that’s what some woman told her?  Michele Bachmann is clearly a person who believes everything she has ever read in an e-mail forward.  That’s not the type of person that I want to be President.

It bothers me that Obama’s team seems to be hanging their hat on hoping that the Republicans nominate crazy.  For one, do you really want to gain your votes because people are voting AGAINST the other person, not because they are voting FOR you?  For another, what happens if crazy actually wins?  I don’t want crazy in the White House.  What is really best for this nation is to have as strong of candidates as is possible on both sides.  A real leader would welcome such a challenge, not hope that the other side screws up.


Also, I think he just might use product on his hair.

Texas Governor Rick Perry announced his candidacy for the Presidency over this past weekend.  So who is this guy?  Okay, we’ve just established that he’s Governor of Texas.  Republican governors from Texas have worked out so well for us in the past, right?  But maybe he’s different from that W. guy?  As it turns out, he may well be different, but somehow he manages to make that not be a good thing.  My blog friend Political Munky has a great post chock-full of information about Mr. Perry!  For example, it is becoming clear that Perry is going to establish himself as a sort of job-creating messiah based on what he’s done in Texas.  But Political Munky does a good job exposing that myth:

While Gov. Perry likes to boast about Texas’ low taxes, scant regulation and limited public services, the truth is Perry-jobs are really ‘jobettes,’ offering low pay, no benefits and no upward mobility. In fact, under Rickonomics, Texas has added more minimum wage jobs than all other states combined.  Even as Texas added those “jobettes,” its unemployment rate magically increased to 8 percent from 7.7 percent—and 23 states have a better employment rate than the miraculous Texas.

Perry says he is the best job creator in the race and that low-tax, low-regulation Texas created about 40 percent of all the new jobs generated in the United States over the past two years.  Here’s the truth:  Texas has benefited from the federal government’s expansion of the military and also from the expansion of the oil industry, which was due to international and national factors, not Perry’s policies.

Yay, “jobettes” for everyone!  Really read the whole thing.  It’s worth while.

Along the same lines, economist Paul Krugman wrote an article further debunking the myth that Perry craps out jobs before his morning shower every day.

What Texas shows is that a state offering cheap labor and, less important, weak regulation can attract jobs from other states. I believe that the appropriate response to this insight is “Well, duh.” The point is that arguing from this experience that depressing wages and dismantling regulation in America as a whole would create more jobs — which is, whatever Mr. Perry may say, what Perrynomics amounts to in practice — involves a fallacy of composition: every state can’t lure jobs away from every other state.

So wait a minute, Mr. Smarty-pants Krugman!  You mean to tell me that if Texas gains a job while Oklahoma losses a job, the country’s net gain in jobs is zero?  Are you sure about that math?  I think this is another of those fancy liberal elites trying to pull a fast one over common sense!

Anyway, I don’t think Perry would be good for this country.  However, I’m pretty sure his campaign is going to make good blog fodder in the months to come!